So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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