u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
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