It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
