at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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