I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
