he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
