i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
