You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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