Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I love having hate sex.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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