Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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