I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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