I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
