Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
