I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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