the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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