Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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