This is not my ceiling
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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