so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
