im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
