This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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