haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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