I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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