Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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