I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize