So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
