Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
