oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
