I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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