there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
