I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
