Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
