glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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