some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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