i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
