I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Randomize
