If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
