Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
