I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
lets start a swedish sibling band together
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
