you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
