Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
