Are we in a gay sports bar?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
