bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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