you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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