omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
