Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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