Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
