weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
