She is in my trunk
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
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HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
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Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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