What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
