capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
