there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I bet he comes in French.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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