dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
