I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Success! We fucked roommates!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize