Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
the room spins SO much faster in panama
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
