oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
