Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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