Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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