There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
