Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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