Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
