I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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