is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize