I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
