Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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