You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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