Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
