whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
