ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
