I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Randomize
