im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
