The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
