p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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