it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
