Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
