Your face is a jimmy john
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
