u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
