I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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