Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
