Jerry, you need to find god
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
